How We Look

And Why Pretty is the Be All and End All

Before you read this post, you should probably watch this beautiful video, made by Youtuber candysomething. To summarise, she articulates and shows how we care more about how we look, than pretty much any other values - our intellect, our sense of humour.

The sad thing is, she's right. So many of us would prefer to be complimented on the way we look, than we might on our ability to solve quadratic equations. Whilst we all have small niches we are very proud of, and would love to be complimented on, the desire to be complimented on our looks is damn near universal.

One of the creepy things is, beauty is almost entirely a social construct. Whilst we are genetically programmed to find symmetrical faces attractive, our faces well proportioned; beauty has expanded further than this into a completely arbitrary system based on consumerism.

Consider makeup, not as an art form, but as, how the majority of women wear it, corrective. We use highlighters and bronzers to change the way our bone structure looks, giving the illusion of a higher bridged nose, and prominent cheek bones. However, as children, we are not aware that we do not have high cheek bones, or that our nose is wide. We do not gravitate towards those who naturally have those features. Companies create problems with our faces, and then market the solution to us, cashing in on our insecurities.

The fact that the media creating issues with our bodies is so constant that it is most often our appearance that we are concerned about. It isn't just our face - despite the fact that the majority of women do not have the bone structure capable of achieving the thigh gap, it is desired amongst millions - they cash in on any insecurity we have, from toes to waists to breasts to hair.

No other aspect of our personhood is criticized in this way - constantly and harshly - and so it stands to a kind of sick reason that to be complimented on our appearance is something that we relish.

However, compliments about the way we look are some of the most common. Look down many a Facebook profile picture, and you will find sometimes literally hundreds of people praising people's appearance. Yes, the media constantly puts us down, but we constantly build ourselves up (provided of course, we have followed the rules that the media dictates). Because a throw-away comment on our sense of humour is so much rarer than a throw-away comment on our appearance, surely it should be considered more valuable just because it is harder to come by.

Not so. Just as though many are more uncomfortable singing or public speaking than they would be playing the piano in front of an audience, we care the most about the compliments that we have no control over. Singing, although it can be improved upon, is very much a part of who you are. It is your singing voice - whereas your ability to play the piano is a skill that could be mastered.

The fact that we set more store by beauty, and not by say, intelligence, musicality, humour, is largely due to the fact that we have no control over beauty - it is something inherent. That's sad. That's really, really sad. As people, we have been socially programmed not to value people for their skills, for their hard work, for their perseverance, but instead for their unwitting excellation in something that we dictated to them without them realising.

It's sad.

But we can surpass it. Because it isn't just prettiness - so many people place people's achievements down to natural gifts. Instead of relishing people's natural gifts, we should instead place more focus on the hours that they spent to attain the level they are now at. The next time you want to compliment someone, do not focus on their looks.

Whilst a compliment on their looks is generally considered highly ranking, as mentioned earlier, most people have a niche that they are massively proud of, probably more so than their looks. For me, that would be the work I am doing on my graphic novel. It is not my greatest achievement, in places the illustration is shoddy and the storyline is poor, but it is something I am immensely proud of.

Instead of complimenting someone on the way they look, find something that they would be even gladder to here you talk about, and praise that instead.