It's almost exactly a month until I turn 15, and I figured that, because at 16 in terms of the law, it's pretty much a milestone, I might make a time capsule to open in just over a year's time. Perhaps then, I might do some kind of reaction video or post, but for now this is where this project stands.
Dear me, dear Isabel "Bella" Fern, how are you doing? I suppose you're in the middle of your GCSEs, how's that one going? Did you ever get your life on track and stop procrastinating, or are you still as confused as you were in year seven?
I'm doing okay at the moment, nothing too special. I'm really struggling to sleep at the moment, so I am quite tired. You've started developing a stutter when you're put under pressure; have you worked that one out or are you a lot shyer than you were, say, two or three years ago? Right now, I'm making coherant notes vis a vis GCSEs, but I don't really understand maths at all, and I'm sort of leaving that one for you to go and figure out. I hope this doesn't catch up with you and spoil your life, because I'd really like to get myself a B in maths so my mum doesn't kill me.
Actually, in terms of procrastination, I'm not as bad as I used to be, but there is room for improvement. This holiday you did art homework - see this post - but none of the annotation, which to be fair is a bit of a recurring theme with you. By now you will have done your ten hour long Art GCSE exam. How did that one go? Can I see pictures?
On a slightly darker note, how's your head? Have you stopped self harming - because I know you're pretty good now, and I also no that at this stage in your life, you relapse occasionally. Do you feel happier than you did? I also want to hear stories about how crap the school counselling into talking you out of panic attacks went, because I'm not quite sure how they thought that one would work? You don't have cancer, do you - because earlier this year you had that scary six month scare - and they've given you all the all clear but it's obvious that there was something wrong, right?
Are you in a relationship? And did you figure that one out with your sexuality - I mean, you thought you were pan and now you find yourself attracted to barely any women - did you bother redefining? Are you in a relationship with the guy you had a crush on this year, or am I right in thinking that he really probably doesn't like me back.
And what about music taste? I know that every year you're sure that you still love the same music you do now, but I'd like to respectfully remind you that last year you listened to happy go lucky songs like those ones linked there, and the year before you listened almost exclusively to Nirvana, The Smiths and Pearl Jam. Just a quite reminder, in case I idiotically delete my majorly long playlist, right now you're into post hardcore music, a little bit of metal, pop-punk, punk rock, a little bit of riot grrrrl. And actually, right now now, today, you've decided that you're not impartial to a bit of singer songwriter Nina Nesbitt-esque happier stuff, because you're crushing and it's so sweet to be you right now.
Did you change your hair? And your clothes? Or are you still working the whole emo fringe, with the dodgy girly with a little punky edge angle? Is that a thing? Did you dye your hair over the summer holidays? Last year you went blue and right now you have plans to do the entire cool spectrum - blue, green, purple and maybe a little bit of pink.
How was ComicCon? Did you finish your Ramona Flowers costume, and more importantly, were you happy with it? Have you done anything similar, or was that your only stab at being more mainstreamly geeky.
Finally, how is this blog? I really hope you still upload next year - but do you upload daily still, or did you find the pressure of school work too much? Did it ever become more popular, or do you still type to the same, wonderful and lovely niche audience? Right now you have plans to one day make a video talking to the people reading this, but you're slightly too scared. How's that one working out for you?This is what you look like right now? How does it compare? Did you grow, or are you still just scraping 5 foot 3?
How are you feeling right now? I am feeling ever so slightly nauseous, because my family are doing Easter today, because my sister's birthday is tomorrow. I haven't eaten any chocolate because actually looking at it right now, in the morning, is making me feel awful. You never could stand chocolate this early, could you. Or even breakfast, really. What are your hobbies? You gave up rugby before this post [read: had to leave the boy's team at the age of 13, girl's team stopped existing just before Christmas], but you started tap dancing this year. Did that one take off? You still do ballet, choir, singing outside of choir and trampolining, which you really enjoy, although you're a bit shit at it. Please tell me you're in a band by now, you're really trying hard to make this work and you just can't find anyone else. Did you get good at the bass guitar? Did you ever complete the "We are the angels of peace and of self destruction" piece of street art, because I know how carefully you planned it.
Right now, you're watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer right the way through again. I'm wondering if you saw Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog or Dolls House, or really got into Angel. And what about Firefly? And Supernatural? Is Mortal Engines still your favourite book?
I want to know what you are like, but that won't happen, so I'll have to settle for you knowing what I'm like. I hope I'm not too awful.
Bella Fern xx
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