Idioms are pretty much a day to day part of our idiolect, but so many of them are more than tired cliches - they're downright nonsensical!
"To Have Your Cake and Eat it Too"
I have never understood this one, no matter how many people use it to imply I'm being selfish and the like. Frankly, if I have a cake, what do you expect me to do with it? Bathe in it? Throw it away? Anything except eating the cake is a completely rubbish phrase!
Better Alternative: She wants to have her cake, and eat mine as well!
"I Want Doesn't Get"
My god, have I heard a million parents using this one. I know that there may be nicer ways to phrase things, but getting something that you don't want is a thousand times more useless than getting something you want. Wanting something does not imply that you do not deserve it!
Better Alternative: Asking rudely for something is rude and makes me inclined not to buy it for you, tiny child.
"No News is Good News"
Generally, it isn't. In fact, it's more likely to be bad news, because it's much harder to break bad news, isn't it! But the saying is right in implying that it can be nice to be ignorant - it can also be difficult, agitating, stressful, worrying, saddening and scary to wait as your mind conjures up every possible outcome. I had a cancer scare this year, and honestly, the amount of people that told me that the fact that nobody knew quite what my body was doing was a good thing, really made it more scary as I realised how ignorant most people were as to whatever was wrong with me.
Better Alternative: No news means absolutely nothing, you have no way of knowing what has happened. Eat some chocolate.
"Keep Your Friends Close and Your Enemies Closer"
I hate this one. I understand what it is trying to say, but unless you are an incredibly powerful person with information to glean from your enemies, on a day to day basis it is a hundred times healthier to distance yourself from toxic relationships and to surround yourself with the people that make you happy.
Better Alternative: Keep your friends close and throw your enemies away with the bathwater.
"Don't Spit in Another Man's Face Unless His Moustache is On Fire"
I'm pretty sure this one is about being nice to people but knowing when things are for the greater good, but quite frankly it's a stupid metaphor. You spitting in his face is not likely to quench the flames, and is more likely to literally add insult to injury. Consider "stop drop and roll" or maybe finding a bucket of water.
Better Alternative: Don't spit in people's face. It's rude. And remember to learn what to do in case of fire.
"You'd Whine if You Were Hung with a New Rope"
Does this one even need much explanation? It's stupid.
Better Alternative: You'd whine if you were hanged* with any kind of rope at all.
"A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned"
This one is a little obvious. Not not saving money - i.e. not spending thus not losing - does not equate to earning money, as in gaining money. One penny, minus nothing, will never equal one plus one, by any stretch of the imagination. Whilst this one does seem to make sense, it's not very well phrased.
Better Alternative: A penny saved is a penny not lost.
And then there are the ones that make sense occasionally; think "dirt poor" until you hear their equivalent - i.e. "filthy rich". And the bloody obvious ones. "It's either one thing or the other." Well duh. What were we thinking when we came up with this language!
Bella
*In terms of the punishment, hanged is the correct term. You "hung" clothing up this morning, but Bob "hanged" himself.
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