Why You Don't Want Your Dream Job

The Silver Linings

Hola! Guten tag! Salut! [insert greeting of your choice!]

I'm one of the girls in life that never really wanted a job that was a) practical b) easy to get into c) easy to make a living off. I've gone through phases of wanting to be an author, a formula one driver, an actor, a set designer, an artistic photographer, a singer and currently a comic book artist. The only one that looks feasible at the moment is my brief seven year old dreams of being a firefighter (and then I remember that I am five foot two and a bit, female and relatively weak. We're not doing well here.)

The sad fact of the matter is that chances are, I will never achieve any one of these things. Or I might get part of the way and then settle. Who knows. But for all of you out there with dreams as unfeasible as mine, a quite streak of consolation for all of the cool people jobs that I'm pretty sure most people out there have dreamed about at least once.

Formula 1 Driver: My dad is a little bit of a fanatic, so it stood to reason that I really wanted to learn, until I realised that it would be incredibly expensive and also pretty unfeasible for me to do even if I could afford it. And the fact that there are currently no women racing (and there have only been five women entered ever, only two of which have ever raced - because the more you know!) doesn't bode well for me vis-a-vis my gender. But I rest assured knowing that there would have been horrific downsides. For one, sure the races take you all the way across the globe...but with that you get near permanent jet lag. And then there are the excruciating sponsor stunts - Lewis Hamilton in particular has been involved in some pretty weird stuff with Santander. Press assassination that comes with any kind of celebrity is a given. With the long training hours and the probability of being involved in crashes sky high - be them deadly or not - it's safe to say that I can sometimes console myself over these dreams. Occasionally.

Astronaut: I spent about a day wanting to be an astronaut (read: visit the moon) before realising how difficult it would be and writing off that idea pretty damn quick. But apparently it was voted the most popular dream job of kids, and I thought I would debunk the possible glory. For a start, there is lots of maths involved. Ick. The work is not only hard but potentially incredibly dangerous (has any seen Apollo 13?), the hours are long, you are separated from family, friends and other people you love nearly all the time. And they do highly scary and invasive tests.

Musician: I'm not going to lie when I say that being in a band is quite easily the biggest dream of my life. I would love to get any kind of job in the music industry, even if not in performance (I'm pretty damn good at lighting equipment) but it seems that the revered musicianhood is not all it is cut out to be. It can be a very long time before you make any money - just as you get to have a hand in every part of a release, you often have to pay for most of those part, so juggling cashflow is a challenge - you have to remain self motivated and organised. You will be rejected near constantly. So perhaps, it would be different in orchestral music? Not so. Whilst it is more reliable as job if you end up in a reputable orchestra, many musicians in orchestras or choirs become cynical as you will seldom if ever be recognised individually for your considerable talent. Either type of music, you will have to spend hours daily practising and warming up for concerts and gigs.

Actor: This one hits particularly close to home. I've wanted to be in theatre for most of my life, and I've only just re-convinced that that one will probably not happen. But I still dream of a career in film or theatre or television...There is obviously the financial instability in between parts, but there is also the constant competition and stress. Hark! The next audition! The next callback! The next screening! The hours are weird and long; with sudden-death auditions and callbacks on surprise weekends. If you land a theatre part might not be free on any evening for months or even years. Film shoots can happen at any strange time of day, and if you have to film on location then you will be uprooted from your home for large periods of time. The constant rejection and public scrutiny is liable to lead to insecurity and lack of self-worth. And most actors have a "sell-by" date - it become far more difficult to land parts of any sort after a sort of age.

Firefighter: This appealed to me, but it also seems to be the go-to "I wanna be" for little boys in primary school. However, there are also some of the most major cons to being a firefighter that might console you when you realise that dream might not be realised. There is constant stress on your job - once you have the chance to save lives you also have to potential to inadvertently let people die. In the place of a fireman, seconds can make that difference. There is also that your personal safety is nearly permanently at risk. Smoke inhalation, burns, falls from ladders or floors, as well as falling parts from above can all injure and kill firefighters. It's not a nine till five job - instead it is eclectic, with some firemen working for 24 hour shifts - making it nearly impossible to interact with friends and family regularly. Even if the thrill draws you to the flames, be warned that the majority of firefighting is spent cooking, keeping the station clean, and organising equipment.

Authors: There is no way to learn how to be a writer, and just like our individual singing voice, your style will either be popular or not - although you can learn. But there is no rule book, you will have very few resources, and NO rules. If you don't or can't work on a day because you are lazy, stressed, sick or busy, nobody can cover your work. The work simply remains undone. Because of the sporadic nature of the job, you have to have incredible self discipline. If you have a family or friends, you are often routinely interrupted, especially if you work at home, simply because it is frequently difficult for people who are not authors to grasp the fact that writing actually is work, that you actually do have a real job - and contractual deadlines to meet. The industry is nearly impossible to break into. And although your work is your own, you lose most control over it once you have finished editing it and have sent it away, if it is accepted by a publishing company.

Pilot: As a girl who's considering joining the air cadets, this is pretty high on my list of things I want to do. You have to be of a certain build (not weigh too much, between 5"2 and 6"3), and you also have to be physically fit, English speaking, with a clear and mostly unaccented voice. You will spend a lot of time at home, so whilst you'll see the world it will be difficult to maintain contact with people. Because of this, there is a majorly high divorce rate. There are very few employers for pilot work, so if you burn a bridge you may never find another one. In terms of being a fighter pilot, there are obviously the added concerns of a higher crash rate.

Veterinarian: Apparently one of the highest choices children make for their ultimate jobs. After secondary school, you will need to take another eight years of schooling to become a vet, at the very least. You have to deal with aggressive and agitated animals, running high risks for injuries such as bites and scratches. The pet owners you are likely to encounter will be upset, scared and may lash out and be unfriendly. The hours are sporadic, you may have to work weekends and constantly be on call.

I know that none of these make it any better that these dreams are largely unattainable, but they may provide some consolation. On the flipside, remember that you can totally achieve anything with a bit of luck and a lot of perseverance. 

Bella

Stupid Cliches and Idioms

What do I do with the cake?

Idioms are pretty much a day to day part of our idiolect, but so many of them are more than tired cliches - they're downright nonsensical!

"To Have Your Cake and Eat it Too"

I have never understood this one, no matter how many people use it to imply I'm being selfish and the like. Frankly, if I have a cake, what do you expect me to do with it? Bathe in it? Throw it away? Anything except eating the cake is a completely rubbish phrase!

Better Alternative: She wants to have her cake, and eat mine as well!

"I Want Doesn't Get"

My god, have I heard a million parents using this one. I know that there may be nicer ways to phrase things, but getting something that you don't want is a thousand times more useless than getting something you want. Wanting something does not imply that you do not deserve it!

Better Alternative: Asking rudely for something is rude and makes me inclined not to buy it for you, tiny child.

"No News is Good News"

Generally, it isn't. In fact, it's more likely to be bad news, because it's much harder to break bad news, isn't it! But the saying is right in implying that it can be nice to be ignorant - it can also be difficult, agitating, stressful, worrying, saddening and scary to wait as your mind conjures up every possible outcome. I had a cancer scare this year, and honestly, the amount of people that told me that the fact that nobody knew quite what my body was doing was a good thing, really made it more scary as I realised how ignorant most people were as to whatever was wrong with me.

Better Alternative: No news means absolutely nothing, you have no way of knowing what has happened. Eat some chocolate.

"Keep Your Friends Close and Your Enemies Closer"

I hate this one. I understand what it is trying to say, but unless you are an incredibly powerful person with information to glean from your enemies, on a day to day basis it is a hundred times healthier to distance yourself from toxic relationships and to surround yourself with the people that make you happy.

Better Alternative: Keep your friends close and throw your enemies away with the bathwater.

"Don't Spit in Another Man's Face Unless His Moustache is On Fire"

I'm pretty sure this one is about being nice to people but knowing when things are for the greater good, but quite frankly it's a stupid metaphor. You spitting in his face is not likely to quench the flames, and is more likely to literally add insult to injury. Consider "stop drop and roll" or maybe finding a bucket of water.

Better Alternative: Don't spit in people's face. It's rude. And remember to learn what to do in case of fire.

"You'd Whine if You Were Hung with a New Rope"

Does this one even need much explanation? It's stupid.

Better Alternative: You'd whine if you were hanged* with any kind of rope at all.

"A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned"

This one is a little obvious. Not not saving money - i.e. not spending thus not losing - does not equate to earning money, as in gaining money. One penny, minus nothing, will never equal one plus one, by any stretch of the imagination. Whilst this one does seem to make sense, it's not very well phrased.

Better Alternative: A penny saved is a penny not lost.

And then there are the ones that make sense occasionally; think "dirt poor" until you hear their equivalent - i.e. "filthy rich". And the bloody obvious ones. "It's either one thing or the other." Well duh. What were we thinking when we came up with this language!

Bella

*In terms of the punishment, hanged is the correct term. You "hung" clothing up this morning, but Bob "hanged" himself.

5 Reasons Why Swearing is Good

Bloody amazing, isn't it!

I recently had to write an essay for my GCSE English controlled assessment, about language, power and how we altered it. It's probably an entire blog post - or several - of its own, because actually, from what may be the most boring assignment ever, I found some pretty cool stuff out.

Swearing is pretty taboo, but I suppose that's the point. So much so that people are prepared to use words like "frick" or "sugar-honey-ice-tea" or loudly exclaiming "mother hubbard!" (see The Amazing Spiderman) which hold exactly the same meaning - but are a slight twist on the words we hold so taboo. I have a friend that sometimes says a sentence, and asks me to fill in her swear words, which is so stupid, because she gets the same meaning across and is essentially swearing whether or not she does the speaking. Fear of a word increases...fear of a word.

But actually, it looks like swearing might be good for you. So here are a few reasons why swearing might be a great thing.

Pain/ Shock Relief
When you're little and you fall over, you might scream really loudly, or maybe even start crying. But as adults, if you scream or start crying, that is taken to mean that something is wrong. Ultra wrong. I'm dying, wrong. It's just not socially accepted that adolescents and adults show pain or vast shock in this way. But a sharp pain, or a nasty shock actually releases adrenaline, which leads to the body trying to find an outlet. Using words that are generally taboo are useful in releasing this, as it feels ever so slightly daring, subconsciously, to the people who have hurt themselves. And the stronger the swear word, the more effective. Yelling "darn" probably won't have the same effect, unless your pain threshold is incredibly high, or your language is so demure that saying "darn" to you is equivalent to most people yelling "fuck!"

Coming across as Trustworthy
It has been suggested via scientific studies, although never proven, that people who swear are more honest and trustworthy, and it's pretty certain that they come across that way. It makes a kind of sense - people who use swear words tend to be pretty unreserved when it comes to language - so it stands to reason that people would make the assumption that they are also pretty unreserved when it comes to the subject matter.

Intensifies your Language
If you're not a chain swearer, who uses the word "fuck" when asking your nephew to pass the salt, swearing can be a really useful intensifier. Yes, "really" works, but because the word "really" is more commonplace it does not have the same shocking effect."I am fucking serious!" vs "I am really serious!" It can be a really powerful way of convincing someone that you mean what you are saying.

Non-Violent Comebacks
I'm pretty sure that even the person who thinks swearing is one of the worst things a person can do, would admit that it's probably better than punching someone in the face. If someone is being physically aggressive or even violent, then calling them a "cunt" and walking away has the same kind of shock factor, with none of the assault-eyness. By swearing we prove that we are not passive victims but empowered to react and fight back. As Mark Twain said, "When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear."

Group Identity
Swearing and profanity comes across much the same as slang within cliques. A group identity can be created by chain swearers, or just by the occasional cuss word that shocks your peers, a tolerance to profanity can be pretty good at setting you apart. Studies actually show that swearing in the workplace "enhances group solidarity" and serves as a way to "relieve stress", bringing the workforce closer together.

[Bonus Jonas: Reclamation can be Powerful
Some swear words are offensive because they target and dehumanise certain groups of people. Words like "whore", "cunt" and "faggot", when used by the individuals that the words are aimed at can be incredibly powerful. However, when used by people not in the context of reclamation, it is just offensive.]

But before you bare all and enter the world, curses streaming from your lips, you may want to consider that actually, some people, no matter how nonsensically considering we invented the words in the first place, find swearing really offensive. One study shows as many as 87 percent bothers them when others swear, including 36 percent who said it bothers them a lot. Just something to keep in mind.

Toodle pip, Bella Fern

Book Haul #1

With a Few Reviews Mixed in For Good Measure

Normally, I am of the opinion that too many hauls promote shameless consumerism. However, because I am a hypocritical bigot, and I am all for the shameless consumerism of books (and films actually, but some other time), I thought I might talk about some books I bought recently before my skiing holiday. I haven't read them all yet, but ones I have I thought I might add a quick opinion, as well as the titbits of plot I am divulging for them all.

Lolito, Ben Brooks
When Etgar is left alone for the summer holidays after his grandmother suddenly dies, he spends the time to mull over his ex-girlfriend and move on in a very, very unconventional way.
I bought this book because I genuinely found the book "Grow Up" by Ben Brooks intriguing and interesting - even if I occasionally found the sex, booze and drugs a little monotonous. Grow Up provided me with a subtle but truly beautiful coming of age story about a boy's movement back into sanity and working out what he has to do to reintegrate into society. I did not get that with Lolito - instead I got the sex, booze and drugs which were as monotonous as before, but without the character development. I expected there to be some motion at the end after several major events affected Etgar, but I never really did. Even the cover was rubbish, nowhere near as good as the clown artwork on the front of Grow Up! 2/10

Uglies, Scott Westerfeld
When you turn 16, you will have an operation which will transform you into a "Pretty", a perfectly beautiful human being. For Tally, it's all she ever wanted. But the summer before her operation, when all of her friends have abandoned her to become Pretty, she falls in with rebel Shay and things might not be so easy.
I found the cover of this book really intriguing, if a little cliche for a young adult novel. After The Hunger Games and Divergent, though, this seemed like the one that everyone thought I should read. I should warn you; this book, unlike many other books in a trilogy, does not stand alone at all. If you buy Uglies, be prepared to read Pretties and Specials - I know I probably will. The plotline in this story is absolutely wonderful! I completely recommend it. Unfortunately, the storytelling is occasionally mediocre and cliche, and worse, Tally the protagonist is incredibly annoying - the kind of character that worries and pontificates and takes next to no action until forced to. I'm sort of hoping the series improves though, because the cliffhanger at the end was definitely exciting enough for me to be forced to continue. 6/10

Nine Uses For An Ex-Boyfriend, Sarra Manning

When Hope walks in on her boyfriend of thirteen years kissing her best friend, her life is over. Their dysfunctional relationship hits the rocks hard, as she struggles to regain what little normality she can. But is normal and back to the way that they were what she ultimately wants.
This one is a slight lie, I've had a copy of this book for ages, but technically it wasn't mine - it was a friend's who moved away. But I've sent his copy back now I have his address, so I had to buy my own - it was so good! It's a really nice, really realistic read, far from the chick-flick or revenge story that the title suggested. Hope is loveable but by no means perfect, and Jack, her boyfriend is by no means the faceless evil that many cheaters are considered in books. We see them through a turbulent patch with a million obstacles, ranging from predictable to insanely unguessable! The ending, too, was difficult to precedent but incredibly believable. However, there are NO uses for an ex-boyfriend listed at all. I have no idea why it was called that. The cover too, was disappointing, especially as I have a real attachment to the cover on the other Sarra Manning novel I have read, Adorkable. 10/10

The Westing Game, Ellen Raskin
A group of people, seemingly randomly selected, move into Sunset Towers at the invitation of a man who does not exist. But not everyone in the house is what they seem. Amongst the residents, there is a bomber, a bookie, a mistake, a thief and an ornithologist. And when Sam Westing, the rich business man from up the hill dies, they are all catapulted into a convoluted inheritance game in which only two can triumph. 
Another book I had read before buying it, my god is this book amazing. The story is so convoluted - the first time I read it I had a pencil and paper so that I could work my way through some of the more subtle, significant details. There are a lot of characters to keep track of, and nobody is quite what they seem. The writing style is matter of fact and easy to read, making this one of the most accessible modern classics I've read. It's a fabulous tale of human spirit; nobody, no matter how little they appear, or how oppressed they are, or how stupid they seem, can be overlooked because everyone is as vital to the plot as the more high profile cast members. I also had the privilege of buying one with the most beautiful cover, which, if nothing else sums up the intricate nature of the plot. Absolutely fabulous, I would recommend this one to anybody! 10/10

Eleanor and Park, Rainbow Rowell
Park Sheridan and Eleanor Douglas are two teenagers living in Omaha. Eleanor and Park ultimately documents their personal growth as seen through their relationship.
I haven't read this one yet, but as "Fangirl" was released there was so much hype over Rainbow Rowell's work that I thought I could give it a go, especially as it was likened to John Green's literature and overall, with the possible exception of The Fault In Our Stars, I do enjoy his books. This young adult romance novel looked truly promising, and I did like the minimalist book cover.

The Mortal Instruments 1: City of Bones
Clary goes to a club with her best friend, and witnesses some incredibly strange, incredibly attractive teenagers sneaking around in the storeroom. She follows them, and watches as she kill a man. The problem is that no one else has noticed.
I have no idea why I am so late on the Mortal Instruments train. I mean, I've read pretty much every major teenage craze, from Gone to His Dark Materials. Somehow, this one slipped under my radar for a while, until finally, my curiousity was piqued and I decided to give it a go, even though I know next to nothing about the plot or even in detail about the genre.


What books should I read next? Any recommendations?
Yours, Bella Fern xx
@ThatBellaFern

Victim Blaming

And Supporting the Rapist/ Abuser

I did a post on rape culture reasonably recently, but to be honest, I barely scraped the surface of rape culture after rape. I touched on the objectification of women, and how that puts the blame of the victim, but I never really got into the nitty gritty of the subject of victim blaming.

I have been lucky enough as of yet, to be part of the two thirds of women who have not been sexually assaulted. However, I have also had the pleasure of men in vans, builders, and once a random guy on the other side of the road whistling, or beeping the horns as I walk by.

The one experience I had when I was around eleven or twelve which freaked me out the most was this, to get home from school, I catch a train, and then a bus, and to walk home from the bus stop I can either take a short cut through the woods or I can take the long walk around a narrow footpath and road (surrounded by woods on both sides anyway). And once, in broad daylight, before I even got to the woods, as I walked past the bus stop, a passenger in a car leaned out of his window and hollered at me "If you go into the woods, I'll rape you."

Gee, thanks sir. Needless to say, I took the road.

But I've spoken about rape culture, and it is not from these experiences that I wish to draw. It was instead the aftermath, when, the next day at school I told a few friends what had happened. Two out of the three I told were massively supportive, as the third appeared to be, until:

"What were you wearing?"

And she didn't mean it in a massively aggressive way. She wasn't outright telling me that being threatened with rape was my own fault. But in that careless sentence, she immediately pulled the blame away from the person at fault to the victim.

Often victim blaming after rape is not said in an aggressive way. It might be like the comment that the otherwise lovely Carrie Hope Fletcher tweeted:

"I'm trying to encourage people to love and respect themselves enough to know they're worth more than being treated like crap..."

This said in the concept of healthy relationships originally sounds okay, before you realise that in fact, by implying that the victims of abuse do not love and respect themselves, they are at fault. Victim blaming is not necessarily done by bad people, it is done by careless people who do not think through their words.

But sometimes it is done vindictively, when a person has access to all of the evidence and is well educated on a subject, and they still decide to blame the victim. This can be understandable in the sense that often, as rape and abuse is so often commited by people the victim (and so often teh victim's friends, aquaintances, family, workmates) it is difficult to fathom that a person you know and love could be guilty of this heinous crime. People often go into denial, and begin to defend the rapist/ abuser.

"He wouldn't do something like that."

Perhaps he didn't; perhaps you're right. But in standing by an alleged victim, you lose no moral ground if they are wrong. By standing by a rapist or abuser, you make the situation a million times more difficult if the victim is real - and the victims are so often real, that if the statistics were an experiment and women that lied about rape were results also - the women that lied about rape would be completely disregarded as rare anomalies.

Sometimes the media jump on the bandwagon - see what happened in Steubenville - and this leads to the general public deciding to jump on aforesaid bandwagon, leading large proportions of the world to begin victim blaming on the women and men abused in high profile cases. "Slut, whore, deserved it". 

There are even cases when taking a neutral stance can become victim blaming. If there is significant evidence, or if the abuser has admitted to doing the crime, then by saying things like "I'm not going to take an opinion because there isn't enough fact" casts so much doubt onto the victims story, making you an enabler for further abuse. Again, by rallying around the victim, you have nothing to lose. By rallying around the abuser, the victim has everything to lose and will lose it.

Victim blaming is what leads to so few women even coming forward to report crimes, with only 7% getting a conviction - and many of those do not end with the victim receiving any time of jail. And people wonder why so many women and men do not report rape.

Bella Fern xx

Time Capsule: 14 Years Old

To Be Opened On My Sixteenth Birthday

It's almost exactly a month until I turn 15, and I figured that, because at 16 in terms of the law, it's pretty much a milestone, I might make a time capsule to open in just over a year's time. Perhaps then, I might do some kind of reaction video or post, but for now this is where this project stands.

Dear me, dear Isabel "Bella" Fern, how are you doing? I suppose you're in the middle of your GCSEs, how's that one going? Did you ever get your life on track and stop procrastinating, or are you still as confused as you were in year seven?

I'm doing okay at the moment, nothing too special. I'm really struggling to sleep at the moment, so I am quite tired. You've started developing a stutter when you're put under pressure; have you worked that one out or are you a lot shyer than you were, say, two or three years ago? Right now, I'm making coherant notes vis a vis GCSEs, but I don't really understand maths at all, and I'm sort of leaving that one for you to go and figure out. I hope this doesn't catch up with you and spoil your life, because I'd really like to get myself a B in maths so my mum doesn't kill me.

Actually, in terms of procrastination, I'm not as bad as I used to be, but there is room for improvement. This holiday you did art homework - see this post - but none of the annotation, which to be fair is a bit of a recurring theme with you. By now you will have done your ten hour long Art GCSE exam. How did that one go? Can I see pictures?

On a slightly darker note, how's your head? Have you stopped self harming - because I know you're pretty good now, and I also no that at this stage in your life, you relapse occasionally. Do you feel happier than you did? I also want to hear stories about how crap the school counselling into talking you out of panic attacks went, because I'm not quite sure how they thought that one would work? You don't have cancer, do you - because earlier this year you had that scary six month scare - and they've given you all the all clear but it's obvious that there was something wrong, right?

Are you in a relationship? And did you figure that one out with your sexuality - I mean, you thought you were pan and now you find yourself attracted to barely any women - did you bother redefining? Are you in a relationship with the guy you had a crush on this year, or am I right in thinking that he really probably doesn't like me back. 

And what about music taste? I know that every year you're sure that you still love the same music you do now, but I'd like to respectfully remind you that last year you listened to happy go lucky songs like those ones linked there, and the year before you listened almost exclusively to Nirvana, The Smiths and Pearl Jam. Just a quite reminder, in case I idiotically delete my majorly long playlist, right now you're into post hardcore music, a little bit of metal, pop-punk, punk rock, a little bit of riot grrrrl. And actually, right now now, today, you've decided that you're not impartial to a bit of singer songwriter Nina Nesbitt-esque happier stuff, because you're crushing and it's so sweet to be you right now.

Did you change your hair? And your clothes? Or are you still working the whole emo fringe, with the dodgy girly with a little punky edge angle? Is that a thing? Did you dye your hair over the summer holidays? Last year you went blue and right now you have plans to do the entire cool spectrum - blue, green, purple and maybe a little bit of pink.

How was ComicCon? Did you finish your Ramona Flowers costume, and more importantly, were you happy with it? Have you done anything similar, or was that your only stab at being more mainstreamly geeky.

Finally, how is this blog? I really hope you still upload next year - but do you upload daily still, or did you find the pressure of school work too much? Did it ever become more popular, or do you still type to the same, wonderful and lovely niche audience? Right now you have plans to one day make a video talking to the people reading this, but you're slightly too scared. How's that one working out for you?

This is what you look like right now? How does it compare? Did you grow, or are you still just scraping 5 foot 3?

How are you feeling right now? I am feeling ever so slightly nauseous, because my family are doing Easter today, because my sister's birthday is tomorrow. I haven't eaten any chocolate because actually looking at it right now, in the morning, is making me feel awful. You never could stand chocolate this early, could you. Or even breakfast, really. What are your hobbies? You gave up rugby before this post [read: had to leave the boy's team at the age of 13, girl's team stopped existing just before Christmas], but you started tap dancing this year. Did that one take off? You still do ballet, choir, singing outside of choir and trampolining, which you really enjoy, although you're a bit shit at it. Please tell me you're in a band by now, you're really trying hard to make this work and you just can't find anyone else. Did you get good at the bass guitar? Did you ever complete the "We are the angels of peace and of self destruction" piece of street art, because I know how carefully you planned it.

Right now, you're watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer right the way through again. I'm wondering if you saw Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog or Dolls House, or really got into Angel. And what about Firefly? And Supernatural? Is Mortal Engines still your favourite book?

I want to know what you are like, but that won't happen, so I'll have to settle for you knowing what I'm like. I hope I'm not too awful.

Bella Fern xx

Things I Wear #4

"Just Another Stuck-Up School-Ma'am"

About this post, I am sorry. I had virtually no sleep last night, and this was the only type of post I felt awake enough to do (I wrote a post about the school system, and it came across as so whiny and moany and ungrateful - mostly because it was, so I'm letting it slide until I'm awake again. I might be able to make it coherant and upload it anyway, but for now there is this, far shallower post). I know that this is a pretty boring outfit, but let's deal, okay? Together, we slide!

White bow t-shirt, Johnnie B - It's really loose fitting, with an open neckline, it kind of sits on my shoulders. It's pretty. Um...I used it as a kind of feminine equivalent to a shirt - this loosely fitted tshirt, as I didn't want to go overboard on the whole "school" front, because nobody enjoys wearing school uniform, do they!

Navy Pinafore, Oxfam - I mean, technically it's not a pinafore. It's more like a dungaree dress, but nowadays we call them pinafores. That's a thing, right? I'm not just making this up? Pinafores were worn as decorative pieces of clothing, but also as protective aprons. Pinafores were traditionally "pinned" onto the front of a dress, hence the name. A key feature of a pinafore, is that it is open at the back (like this one, maybe it is a pinafore...) I associate pinafores with my primary school uniform, so it was right for this look that draws on old fashion students from black and white films.

Brown Corsage, Charity Shop - I've always been a bit of a fan of pinning things like badges and corsages where they have no business in being (NB the safety pins I couldn't resist pinning to my pocket). Traditionally they're work to more formal occasions, which made the whole "ye olde school" vibe more potent.

White over-the-knee Socks - These thick white woolly socks go to over the knee, keeping the quite short skirt of the pinafore still reasonably demure. I have no sock knowledge to bequeath to you, but I do have a semi-interesting tit-bit of information which you can ponder, because it makes NO SENSE! At my school, knee socks are allowed. And tights are allowed. Any socks that go over your knees are banned because they're indecent. Explain that one to me? Socks in general, but especially thick woollen ones are associated with schools, which made them right to wear with these things which gives it a general studently or teachery feel.

Ribbons, Carluccios - If you are interested, Carluccios does an Easter cake, and it was wrapped with these beautiful ribbons in a peach colour, a yellow and a little blue ribbon. Not to let them go to waste, they are tied up in my hair today, behind my fringe and above my bunches, but I do intend to incorportate them into the clothes I am designing at the moment for six to nine year olds. More on that some other time.

Denim Hairband, Claire's - I used to pin back my fringe all of the time, now I tend to carry one just in case my hair gets all up in my business - I mean my eyes.

Burgundy t-bar shoes, Topshop - See my post from two days ago for information about these.

Well, I tried. I tried after getting no sleep. I promise to be back with quality content tomorrow. Many thanks, Bella Fern xx